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Welcome to the second part a four part personal wellness conversation.
To review the first part, select  Part One: Who Are We in Thought?

Part Two
Human Doing Vs. Human Being - Our Beliefs Values & Attitudes

In Part One, considerations were shared around “Who We Are In Thought”. That examination with the support of our old faithful, Newtonian Science, reductionist theories as it were, creates space for believability around this concept that we actually think 65,000 waking thoughts a day. Further, that 95% or so, are the same thoughts we had the day before. I am intentional in my reiteration of this point, as it speaks so fittingly to when it is we find ourselves pondering…”I need a little excitement in my life, I need to do something different…and still you find yourself in sameness, wishing for it to be different. That pondering is part of the 65,000 thoughts a day program we run. Until we actually do something different about wanting more excitement, fulfillment, etc., in our life, it continues to play out as part of the cycle of thoughts. In order to do it, we have to be it. It may be time to actually STOP the program at that thought, and consider doing, more importantly, being something different, to bring different, into your life. What then could possibly be the stopper? Enter Beliefs, Values, and Attitudes, aka for this article, BVAs.

I am going to change the context of the conversation around BVAs to the degree that you can consider them as something other than for example, “yes, I believe in mandatory retirement”, “no, I do not believe in the legalization of Marijuana”, or, “I really don’t have an opinion on same sex marriage”. I am going to remove the “content” aspect of the belief, values & attitudes from this conversation, save for when a specific example is required. Those examples will be stated as that, and not representative one way or the other of my personal perspectives on the example. There is no content in content worth knowing. As human living systems go, it is less about the content of the story, and much more about the context in which you hold the experience of the story. How is it being held in your body, represented, and why is it represented in your body in that way? Think about a person you really enjoy spending time with, and notice what happens inside of you, and where. Did your heart warm, did your body fall into relaxation. Take a breath, now think about someone you prefer not to spend time with, and notice what goes on in your body. That’s you, in all of your intelligence holding the information in your body. This article will be positioned in the context of, BVAs, From Where Do They Come?

BVAs, From Where Do They Come? It is to be recognized that within all of us lies two degrees of identity, our culturally conditioned self, who we have been taught to believe we are, originating from the external cues, compared to your innate identity, your authentic self, that person that you were actually born of before the cultural conditioning of you commenced. How many times do you feel and hear your lips speak the words “Yes”, as a response only to know your body is screaming “NO” inside? Out of the context of Yes, and No, and into the context of those times when what you are agreeing to goes against the very grain of who you hold yourself to be inside, and yet we do it because it is what is expected of us. A real time external cue for example. As a five year old, you have a tiff with a little playmate, and you say out loud to little playmate, “I hate you”. Mommy then comes along and says, “now Sara, you are not supposed to talk like that. You tell little Michael that you don’t hate him and that you’re sorry for saying that.” Fact of the matter is, though the hating will probably be very short lived, Sara, really did hate Michael in that moment. Moreover the apology was not authentic. Instead, already at five years of age, we have Sara, saying “yes” when she really means “no”. The inauthentic apology, that makes it all go away. The cultural conditioning that actually produces the human doing aspect of us, leaving a much smaller space for the human being aspect of us. The truth of us.

I will give emphasis to two models that will give this conversation some framework from which to experience the considerations. The first from the writings on NLP, The Seven Levels of Thinking, The Predictable Structures of Thought, and the second model called, The Androgynous Baby™ . The first, Seven Levels of Thinking is resultant of Logical Levels of Thinking as identified by American Researcher Robert Dilts, and taken up in NLP philosophies. NLP, Neural Linguistic Programming as developed by John Grinder, and Richard Bandler is a methodology based in the belief that all human behavior has a structure. These levels of thinking are the predictable structures of thought expressed in our conversation. Six Logical Levels of thinking were identified. They include, Environment, the where and when of our lives. For context, that conversation sounds like, “I will meet you at Subway on St. Joseph Blvd. at 1000hrs. Behavior, the what it is we do, both from the perspective of action and thought. Capability, involving the how of our life. Much like behavior, this includes our physical skill base/attributes as well as the how of our thinking strategy. That conversation may sound like, “I can’t downhill ski”. Beliefs, Values & Attitudes, that “who” we were taught to believe we are. This area has much to do with permissiveness and prohibitiveness, acceptable, not acceptable, our culturally conditioned self. That conversation, “I would never be able to learn to downhill ski.” This self is perpetuated by external referencing. What are we taught to believe the rules are around the living of our lives, what we can and cannot achieve. Identity, our perpetual changing self. Who do you hold yourself as possible of becoming. Notice, it is not about doing, rather becoming. The doing happens as a result of choosing to become. The true sense of self, whether expressed or not, makes you no less owner of this level of thinking. Finally the sixth level as identified by Robert Dilts, Spirituality. Not in the sense of religiosity rather, having to do with your connection to others and self.

In the WEL-Systems® body of knowledge, a seventh logical level of thinking was added, creating their model, The Seven Levels of Thinking™, The Predictable Structures of Thought. This added level, CHOICE, is positioned appropriately between BVAs & Identity. Choice, that aspect of us that allows for that moment of choosing around and about all of the other structures of thought that go on in our daily lives. In the context of saying yes or no, depending on the circumstances, it may be that moment of saying “no”, because it is authentically what moves through you to utter, or “yes”, because, you believe it is what is required/expected of you. Again out of the context of just yes and no, how often in your life does this occur for you? How often do you say “yes”, when you really mean “no”.

So it isn’t so much about being disrespectful with, “I will not because it is not what moves authentically through me”, rather finding that place, that space for authentic expression of what moves within around the thing, the circumstance. It lets you take your place of authenticity, by being the full expression of yourself. It may not be popular, and it is you being authentic. May even be you recognizing that the authenticity of you, is no longer jiving with the life you are living. That is for another conversation in Part III.

Before I introduce the WEL-Systems® model, The Androgynous Baby™, I would like to bring one more thing into your awareness about our structures of thought. Our BVAs on down to the level of Environment is based in our past. The level of Choice is based in the present, the now, and the level of Identity and Spirituality is based in our future. Now is where we have the most influence in our lives to make change. Not wishing, waiting, wanting for the past to be different, or hoping for tomorrow to be different. Rather, it is to choose differently right in this moment if we want the next moment to be different than moment before the one we are in. We’ve all heard stories how in an instant a person’s life was altered, and the reference is typically reserved for tragic scenarios unfolding. E.g., “One minute they were here and the next they were gone.” If it only takes a moment, choose to recognize the significance of one minute, and then invite as much of your own influence in as possible.

On to the model of The Androgynous Baby™. For the purpose of this article, when speaking of androgynous, I am meaning “genderless” from the perspective that it makes no difference the gender, none of us are removed from the experience of the Androgynous Baby as set out in this model. It speaks to cultural conditioning, outside of cultures as we may recognize the word to mean, e.g. First Nations, Asian, European, and brings it into the realm of the conditionings we are all consistently exposed to that sees a human living system from Iceland, experiencing the same externally referenced evolution as a human living system from Australia. Only difference is the rules around what is acceptable and what isn’t, based on the culture one is raised in. What do we all consistently experience from the point of gestation to our adulthood? Androgynous Baby™, reveals the secrets.

Our bodies experience trillions of cellular interactions/second. Those interactions are taking place as a result of external stimuli, Signal #2, going on outside of us. At a very environmental level for example, is it hot or is it cold outside? Your body feels the temperature and gives you the information you need to decide to put your sweater on or take it off. Sensory cues allowing for you to make a choice. At higher levels of thinking, e.g. Identity, the stakes are much higher than deciding on the sweater or not. Are you paying attention?

Cultural Conditioning starts at the point of gestation. Some, me included would suggest that it starts pre-gestation. Yes, when you were merely a twinkle in mom and dad’s eye. Think about it. If you are made up of mom and dad’s cells, and their cells are experiencing all of these interactions, and reshaping, and reorganizing as a result, you become a by-product of that resulting interaction. That concept is for another day however. Look for it in Part IV, Vital Human, Vital Self. For this article I will keep it in the realm of what we can touch and feel, put experience to, the Androgynous Baby experience of us.

Gestation, Androgynous Baby commences with and during this entire time, all nine months. Some years ago Italian Scientists conducted an experiment, whereby, a pregnant woman was undergoing an Ultra Sound. They set up an experiment to have the father of the child enter the room in a fit of rage, and yell loudly on entering the room. Prior to this, the fetus could be seen on the monitor, laying seemingly comfortable and sleeping in the womb. The father enters the room, yelling, and on the screen is observed the tiny fetus, suddenly grow larger in its startled state. Arms flailing in the air, at the sound of the screaming father. As central nervous systems go, that experience is now wired into that growing fetus, cellular interactions abound.

Birth also being an aspect of who we are held to believe we are. Have you ever asked your mother what the experience was of your birth? Were you breach? Were you “natural”? Were you “C” Section? Were their complications? Were there perceived and spoken risks during the birth process? Not at a linguistic level, but certainly at a cellular level your body, your physical and energetic existence was experiencing this. Wired in, your own personal experience. Why? Because you were there. Yet it is dismissed outright as a result of our inability to verbally represent the experience out loud. Should we, we would not be believed. Because it cannot be expressed by our intellect, makes it no less experienced.

Mom & Dad, our very first exposure to Power and Authority. Where we learned what doing certain things would or would not get us. That time in our lives where, we were now subjected to the fallout of the ways in which our own parents were raised. If in our home environments our little bodies didn’t like what was going on behind the closed doors, it wasn’t like at five years old we had a lot of choice around leaving. What kinds of conversations were going on around the kitchen table when you were eight? How do they play out in the area of your BVAs today.

I remember conversations around our kitchen table about homosexuality. The conversations that would have “those people” paying for the lifestyle they chose. What was my parent’s reference point for holding that lifestyle in such contempt, and could the cycle possibly be broken? Could that belief be collapsed? In my family, interestingly, some twenty years later, as a result of learning that one of their own children was indeed one of “those people”, suddenly, they could not deny their new reference point, their child. The one they gave life to. A pattern interrupt had occurred by virtue of the fact, that what they believed homosexuality to be, was not what they had witnessed of their child for the last twenty seven years. So yes, though long held, if we take the time to check in on our beliefs and whether they are serving us any longer, we do have choice around whether or not to move in our lives continuing to hold that belief. Huge implications on our lives, in and out of the workplace around the understanding of from where our BVAs come, and being given permission to acknowledge them, and then choose differently if they are deemed not to be, or to be serving you in your life, and or in your chosen profession.

Siblings or not. Either way, this impacted on the conditioning of us that we were exposed to. Did I have to share my booty or not. Did I have to wait in line for the washroom. Was I an only child, and then suddenly ten years later a new little one comes along? How did that impact on who I was taught I was? How did that impact on my sense of safety around being authentically me?

Extended Family. Were there contradictions between what my parents and siblings said and expected of me, and my extended family. What happened, when I went away to my Aunt and Uncle’s for summer holidays? How do my Aunt Uncle live, with no children vs. the five children I grew up around? What expectations did I go back home with or not, and how quickly was I put back in my place, never to risk responding differently again? How does that experience play out now as an adult? What risks am I feeling willing and able to take?

Community. Social groups, developmental groups, Guides, Brownies, Boy Scouts, Cubs, or not! I fit into the category of “or not”. It was always difficult for me, knowing my friends mothers were putting their daughters in Brownies, and I was left out of that loop because my mom didn’t hold that as money well spent or required. For her, I could learn to sew without the guidance of Brownies, and for me, it meant missing out on what I felt to be critical to my acceptance amongst the girls in school.

Babysitters, Daycare, what BVAs do the care givers of your children hold dear to themselves, and how much of their expectations do your children have to aspire to while in that space. This is not about instilling fear, rather it is about noticing from where we all grew into ourselves.

Church/Religious Beliefs. Not at all about good, bad, right, or wrong, rather pay attention to the beliefs you have around that, and from where they originated, from outside of you. Was religion a part of your life, growing up. For me, this was a very significant aspect of my daily life, and Sunday life. Saying prayers when something special needed to be asked for in our lives. Attending Sunday Mass. Not that Mass was a bad thing, and as a seven year old I was very jealous of my friend Leslie, because in her religion, she didn’t have to go to Mass on Sunday…so all I could think of while I was at Mass, was how I wished I could be making mud pies with Leslie on the Rail Road ties my father pilfered from the rail yard a few kilometers from our house.

School. Gosh, the stories I am sure all of us could tell of our experience of school. The going to Elementary and High School, and the not going to College, and University. To carry the stigma of never having gone to University, or Community College for that matter. Why does it still factor in on how you move through your world. Think about it, for those who did not go to University, how does their education get verbally represented outside of themselves in conversation, besides trying to avoid the conversation all together, It may sound something like, “well, I just have my grade twelve”. The conversation that those who did experience College or University may have a consistent resonance to it as well. What was your experience of school?

Finally the last of those aspects of our cultural conditioning that each of us regardless of who we are, and in what Geographic Region that we were brought up, we are all exposed to, Work. Again, not good, bad, right, or wrong, rather, yet another system that we acquiesce to, by virtue of the structure of society, and therefore, from the perspective of the parent child model, demands that we present in a certain expected fashion. If nothing else the pay check demands that of us. Notice, from the perspective of Logical Levels of thinking, salary falls into the category of environment in that it lends to our sense of safety and security. Pays the bills, and we get to play if there is anything left over. If the passion lies solely in the paycheck, what isn’t getting fed then is us at the level of our self identity.

So in the environment of workplace, in many respects, there has to be decorum, in order for the Corporate or Organizational Structure to effect its overall purpose and intention of its existence. There is an expectation on the part of the private or public structure that pays our salaries.

So this is much less about our profession and more about how we move about in it, and present our selves to our profession, based again on the cultural conditioning that took place long before we walked through the doors of our employer. The employer has its expectations of its human resources, and it isn’t like we leave our BVAs at the door. Remember, these are wired into us. This then, our BVAs play out in many aspects of moving through our careers. Work Performance, tardiness or not, dedication, expectation, interactions with co-workers, and in our profession, the critical interactions with the public that most of us, no matter our profession we commit to serving by taking on the employment. What we experienced around the kitchen table growing up is wired in, and will be showing up, along with the job specific training we experience. That conversation that took place at the kitchen table around sexual orientation, for example is what is showing up with us in the atmosphere or context of what we call the workplace. Disciplinary action as a deterrent is not always enough to stop us in the throes of running the program of our beliefs. That is human being showing up. Creating space for this realization of us, is not about giving permission to perpetuate the behavior, rather to recognize the wiring in of it, choosing to acknowledge the wiring in, and allowing space to acknowledge the “prejudice” aka, prejudging of others for example, and revisit the belief, and determine its servitude any longer in the life you have chosen to live, the profession you have chosen to be in. In the claiming of it, so too is there space to be other than it or not. Can you think of a belief you once held, and then by virtue of a new reference point, the belief was collapsed, with a new belief around the thing taking its place.

In living our lives human doing, at what point does it become again about human being? Being Human. Being you in all of your authenticity. Are you being your life or are you doing your life?

If this conversation feels uncomfortable, what aspect of your BVAs plays into what is acceptable to say about this topic, and what isn’t? We usually start to become antsy when we are getting closer to the full expression of one’s self, one’s own truth, even if it is only one person that chooses to express it. If we were not to take it personally, and rather consider it as an aspect of us, we hadn’t up to now given much credence to, suddenly lots of space opens up for individual, organizational, and corporate evolution at quantum speeds. There are many models that would support this endeavor. They will be spoken to in the remaining two articles of this series, Pt III Permission – What Does It Look Like, & Whose Giving it To You? Pt. IV, Vital Human - Vital Self.

Seven Levels of Thinking. It is how we move through our life. Androgynous Baby, it is what each of us, you and I experienced. It is what shaped us. It did so because we didn’t know any better, we didn’t know that we didn’t have to keep hiving off pieces of ourselves. We also didn’t know, and some may still not know, that we have the ability to check in on the BVAs we have, and can choose to determine their usefulness to us anymore.

Our BVAs most importantly which stem from the very aspects of our culturally conditioned selves will dictate how much our lives are spent human doing vs. human being. I sum it up as this. Human Doing, the art of doing, because we are taught to believe that we must. Human Being, the art of asking why, and then based on the response, choosing to do. In our lives, when we choose to create space for the why’s, to be expressed as the innate truth of us, everything is possible around personal, corporate, and organizational evolution.

Otherwise it is about doing the same thing over and over again in our lives, in our professions, and expecting a different result. That as you may well have heard is the definition of insanity. Both personally and professionally there are many things in our lives that call upon us to have to “do” something. Save and except for the many mundane, more environmental/behavior needs we respond to, the question is, have you created the space to be authentically you, outside of who you have been taught to believe you are, in the doing of them? Starting with at your level of CHOICE, and right on up into Identity and Spirituality in the context that I have presented spirituality to be. You will only know for sure, not by paying attention so much to your intellect, the stories you are telling yourself about this article, rather by paying attention to your body… it never lies.


Kae Roberts, Founder of Awakening Wave, is a WEL-Systems Catalyst and CODE Model Coach™. Kae has over 16 years in Law Enforcement and brings both safety and wisdom into her conversations with those who seek to live their lives more fully. She welcomes the opportunity to journey with you as you discover your own personal resourcefulness as it lies within you.

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